She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
