Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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