just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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