I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
