she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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