I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
