Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
