Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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