I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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