I'm going to jail i love you
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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