Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
