As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
