I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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