Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
