Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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