Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
