everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
