She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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