omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
