Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
