There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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