Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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