I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
