Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
