Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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