There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
pray to the hookup gods
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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