just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
