She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
