i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
