Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
where are you?
Hypothermia
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
