I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
