Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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