I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
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I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Also, beer. Big fan.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
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Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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