I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
