I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
