Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
