capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
