why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
