I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
