Apparently you make a good broom.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize