I cannot find my penis.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
