never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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