We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
