You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize