just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
