Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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