Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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