it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
