Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
