Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
