so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
They took my balls.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
