At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
