Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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