I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
