she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
