I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
there was a trapeze. enough said
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
