I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize