How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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