Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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