you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
