I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
