Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
