everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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