No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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