I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?