reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
