soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME