I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.