Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
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There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
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He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?