I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.