dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.