Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.