fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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