Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
