hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
