dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
