I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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