If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
