glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize