omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
