now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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