Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
