wanna go halves on a baby?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
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