Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
