All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
