i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
