But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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