Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
